In Four Months.

Assalamualaikum, peace be upon you. 

2 hours earlier, my sister told me via whatsapp that my uncle is being hospitalized now, and she even includes a picture of him. I cried after I look at that picture. He looks so different, so thin, his eyes are opened but he is unconcious now. Little did I know that now he is suffering / battling with cancer. I am not sure what cancer it is but the tumor is located at the stomach. Stage 4, guys. Critical. It had been 2 days since he had been hospitalized but today he is at the worst state. My cousin who's visiting him this evening even asked us to recite Surah Yassin a lot to him-you know what that mean.

I had lost an uncle( from my mom's a month ago ( a month? Im not quite sure ) now, another uncle from my dad side. I cannot afford to lose another uncle. I know, I didnt even close to them but still. The pain of losing. The thoughts when I imagined how his family members are doing now. And the most heartbreaking/saddening-my parents' feelings right now. I could not imagine how my dad is feeling right now. He is about to lose a younger brother. He had lost his elder sister in 2013, elder brother in 2016 and now, his one and only younger brother. It must be hard. Dealing with death of our loved ones is surely one hell of a feeling. 

And, as for me, I am scared of losing him. I dont want to lose my father. I love you dad, youre the greatest father in this world-in my world. Although our life is not as easy as other people but you will make sure that we feel enough. Life is such full of surprises, indeed. I need to be grateful because my parents are still here with me, both of them. I need to appreciate them more because I dont know when Allah SWT will take them away from me. But I hope whenever that moment will be, I am ready and strong enough to face that points of my life. I wish I will never face that kind of moment , I need them forever in my life. 

Every soul shall taste death- that's what Allah SWT had promised us. As a normal and weak human beings, who are we to deny Him? That time will surely come, Allahu make me strong. Make us strong. If I can cry several times because I am afraid of losing my uncle, what about his family right now? Here I am, away from home, helplessly sending all my prayers for them. I need to be at home right now..........I really do........someone please bring me home.........

What about 4 months? Well, it had been 4 months since I met my uncle. And he is the one who's sending me to the place where I board the bus, going back to my university. ( I am tearing up writing this ) Dont ask me why, I wont tell. He was just fine at that time.Talk,eat,walk,work properly. But in 4 months-I received his picture of being severely weak. Fighting to just live.

Just in 4 months, guys.

And you thought you will still be here in this world next month? Next year? Next 4 years? Well, think again. Give it a thought. You dont know when, how youre gonna end your life in this world. So we need to always be prepared with our good deeds, iman, and all. To face the next 'alam'.

I am the first daughter of the family and to be honest, my family depends on me a lot. Being weak is not in my options at all. Although I know I am not like other first born daughters I know-got scholarships, strong-willed, not scared of anything, can mingle with people easily......I am not like them. Yeah, lets just be me. I dont know what future holds for me but InsyaAllah, it will get better. I will be in a better shape in several years from now. 

He knows what I am going through with my life and He will help me to get through it. Comes hell or high water, Allah SWT is enough for me. My life aint a fairytale guys. I only pretend everything to be normal when actually they are not. Chin up-no worries ! I will be okay. 

gosh i sure do rant a lot. goodnight ! 

mynn

12;29 AM