It still hurts.

We'll never know when is our last time to be with someone, right. And that's the saddest part of living. If we do, could it change everything? Maybe, to appreciate more, to love more, to give more. Parting ways because of death or because of the heart splits in two, it's still apart. And it still hurts.

Last week, my sister told me that my mom was sick. She told her when she called home. I was busy with theatre and shits, it's been a long time since I last heard my mom's voice. I was panicking and worried, please take everyone you want from my life but not my mom, a voice inside my head says. I have so many things to do, to make her happy. I'm not a good daughter yet, I don't help her a lot yet, I don't learn many things from her yet. But that was only me, overthinking as always.

Then I called her later that night.

Her voice- I was relief, her voice- soothe me. Her voice- is a guarantee that I still have someone that will always have my back. Since the day that I got home crying for not getting the highest mark in my Math paper back in primary school, since the day that she scolds me for not knowing how to read muqaddam properly, for not knowing how to spell something in jawi. When she hugged me for nights cause I was crying non-stop. When she told me that it's okay if no one wants to be my friend. For not knowing how to cook, messy folded clothes and messy room. When she told me I will get a lot of rewards if I lend or spend my friends some money if they don't have enough to eat. When she bought me medicines, massage my head when the world seems like spinning around.

I want more days, more years with her, dad, sister and brother.

Please tell me I'm not being greedy.

Take anyone, anyone you want - but not them.

mynn

11:34 am