For my Precious, Love.

Assalamualaikum.

This entry belongs to that one special person in my heart. 

You're a blessing that I didn't see coming. Like a guardian angel sent from above to be by my side. The first time I saw you, I was slightly nervous because it's the first time we met after being friends for years. I was scared if I will not meet your expectation like my fake pictures on Instagram as we meet on that platform. The filters are not with me at that time and I am fine if you think that me in real life is not as what I portrayed in social media. I was awkward too at first but I just play it cool. When we were in the car I peek at you when you didn't notice. I like that view already. I don't want to lose that view. You looked at me a few times when the car stopped but I was too shy to look into your eyes. When I was handling something at you, I noticed how tall you are. And how good looking. And how gorgeous a human being could be. It's the first time that I walked beside you and I love our height difference. I know we were both hungry on our way back so I asked if we can go to drive thru. You just followed my request and suddenly we're at McD already. The feeling of having someone to order for you is indescribable (beside of my girlfriends). I miss that moment so much. I always love drive thrus with you. Sometimes I can be so clumsy but you just help me to get through it. Like I trying to wonder how to carry the drinks but you solved it for me. I was thankful, and it was so sweet too. Actually, before we met I'm fine at the thought of you don't want to meet me again because I killed your expectations, but after our first goodbye, I don't want it to be the last. I want to meet you again. I want to see you again. I want to sit beside you again. I was the happiest that night after, I'm sure you are too. My friends are happy and excited for me. It was the best feeling ever. 

And then came our second, third, fourth and I lost count of our dates now. It's a good thing because it shows how many times we had spent with each other. Either just meeting you in front of my hostel, it's enough to make my heart flutters and full of love. I love how you would look at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world. I got so insecure too, because I'm scared that you would see the flaws I had if you stared at me for a long time. I didn't mean to stopping you from looking at me. In fact, I like it. I can see it in your eyes that shines beautifully when our eyes met each other. Your hazel eyes are sparkling and they were the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I love it when I caught you looking at me when I didn't realize it. My heart explodes with such excitement that I haven't been feeling for a while. I was touched when you want my leftovers. I never thought someone would actually do it to me I thought it only happens in movies. I was disbelieved at first, but you still want it after I asked for your confirmation. Not anyone will do it for you and I was really happy when I had someone to finish my food. I can't finish it because I'm already full and because of the butterflies in my stomach when I'm meeting you. It always happens. Because I'm full of love. Also because I love watching you finishing my food. I always did! I knew I was going to say yes when you confessed to me. That moment finally happened that night. But just to be safe I gave such answer to you. But I'm not rejecting you. I know I'm in love with you too. I'm just protecting my heart not to believe too much as words can be deceiving. I've been in a great pain over nothing and I don't want to experience it again. But I know I can trust you. I trust that you can take care of my heart and not hurting it. I trust that you are really sincere to be with me. I realize how long you have stayed with me through years without giving up. I still remember even when we were friends that you would ask me if I'm okay, if I had taken my meal, supporting me during my first showcase, care for me if I've taken my Sahur when I'm still on the bus that one night. I remembered it all. And I put my whole trust on you. 

I love how you would bring the food for me and only asked me to sit. When I was craving for something you would bring it to me. Without feeling burdened at all. You once said "Anything for you" and I feel really touche and sad too. Never thought someone will say that to me. It was really sweet of you. I actually feel appreciated as a woman and sometimes I feel like I didn't worthy of all your kindness. Sometimes I wonder if I can actually be happy, if you can love me unconditionally because I'm just a mess. A damsel in distress. You are my knight in shining armor. You proved that my assumption is wrong. You stayed throughout it all. You were always there for me when I need you. You showered me with your love everyday and I feel like I'm the luckiest girl for having someone that loves me so much, his love is greater than anything in this world. I am forever grateful to have you in my life. Maybe God knows I need someone to be with me through it all, and He sent me you.Thank you for always being with me through my dark days. It would have been harder but with you by my side, everything is bearable. Thank you for believing me that I'm strong, thank you for not leaving me and willing to share my sadness and imperfections in life. Thank you for being proud of me. I know I will always have you to turn to, everytime. I'm sorry for the words I've said to you when I was mad. We fought a lot but it doesn't change my love towards you.I hope it will never happen again. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I know I'm hard to handle at times. I'm sorry for making you sad over and over again. I really did not want it to happen. I hope you put your trust to me like I've put my trust on you. Because I do love you wholeheartedly. You are my everything, you are my whole world. 

Thank you for your hoodie that becomes mine. I love your perfume's smell and now I miss it because it's disappearing. I miss our dates so much. I miss going out with you. Even when we only went to have our dinner, but every hour that I've spent with you is worth it. Even if it's only mean to sit beside you in the car. I love the view of you, driving. Of you drawing a love on the car's window. Of you smiling to me. Of you laughing at my jokes. Of me laughing at your jokes. Of the rainy day and I'm stuck with you in the car. Of your willingness to drive one hour back and forth just because I want to go there. It didn't end well and I still feel guilty about it. Of you go back into the store just because I want a plastic bag. Of you carrying the oranges. Of you pushing the trolley while we choose our food. Of you taking my pictures everytime we met. Also, sometimes secretly. I know the pictures tend to be hideous because I'm never good at candid photos but, you still keep them. Thank you for willing to go out with my friends and helped us when we didn't have any choice of food in campus. It was the best night and we had a small talk in your car before I said goodbye. Who would've thought that will be the last time that we met each other until this day :( If I knew, I would've talk longer with you. 

Thank you for making me feel like I'm the prettiest girl in the world. Thank you for always saying that I'm pretty nevertheless. Thank you for having your eyes laid only on me. Thank you for showering me with compliments and love for all the selfies I've sent to you. I only want to be beautiful in your eyes. Even when I know I am ugly, you would say that I'm pretty. I actually cried one night when you told me that you love me and will continue to love me forever. But I covered it so you wouldn't notice. I feel so blessed to have such great love in my life. To have a man that loves me so much no matter what. I would have to say, after my father. Now I never want to lose anyone important to me ever again. I only prayed for good things to happen for us, for forever to be ours. I want to continue counting days with you. Under His will and grace, Ameen. 

Will always loving you, my other half. 

mynn

7:19 a.m